Let it Be

The depth of your gaze, at times vacant,

could look through me

obliging me to stop…

and be examined.

In 1995, my mom had a massive stroke that left her with so little of what she had known for her first 67 years. Prior to that, whenever she and I visited the sick or elderly in a nursing home together, she would state, “I never want to end up in one of these places…”   

Yet 6 months after hospitalization and rehabilitation,  the family was left with the reality that she needed 24 hour care of which none of us with our young families and full time jobs could provide.

Heartbreakingly, ‘home’ became a  room, which my sisters and I strove to make as warm and welcoming as we could with family photos and sweet mementos.

I did a lot of journaling during this dark and difficult stage of my life… Now, 14 years after Mom has gone home, I look  back and gratefully acknowledge that the lessons learned during those chapters have clearly formed the foundation of who I am  today.

My mother wasn’t perfect; no mother is. Yet in her vulnerability, she completed the lessons she’d begun when each of my sisters and I were born. And for me,  that lesson was surrender. Her freedom, her mobility, her independence, her home…

I could not change her reality; yet she taught me how reality brings you truth.

To her, I dedicate this post… Love you Mom.

One Last Thing…

Years of surrendering left her

With little to call her own.

But one only needed to look

A

Bit

Deeper…

To see the

Real Truth

Of that surrender…

For if you have

Let go of

Everything…

One cannot help

But come more

In

Touch

With

Oneself.

The stroke left her

Often looking off

With

A blank stare.

When she died…

There was a smile

on her face.

I’d like to

Think

That stare

Was the final thing

She surrendered…

For you can be sure

She is

Smiling now…